


That Long Journey

by Maverick



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25577257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maverick/pseuds/Maverick
Summary: The night before the morning after.AKA, I got fixated on Joe's look back at Booker at the end of the 'you're on your own' scene, and Booker's head nod in reply.  Something had to have happened to bring about that peace. This is my imagining of that something.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 42
Kudos: 420





	That Long Journey

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Pollitt for beta and genuine awesomeness, especially regarding middle of the night word retrieval. She's killer at sanding out those rough edges. 
> 
> Title again from a Rumi quote - “When will you begin that long journey into yourself?" 
> 
> Also, apparently my second OTP in this fandom is Andy/Baked Goods. 
> 
> See end notes for translations of foreign phrases

The adrenaline was running out and reality was setting in. 

They exited the car with barely any words spoken in the 30 minutes it had taken them to get to the safe house in Whetstone, North London. They had used it for an Op at the turn of the 21st century. The large balcony that ran along the back gave them the perfect vantage point into their target’s house. Nicky had loved its colorful back garden complete with a pergola covered with wisteria. And Joe, he wanted to sketch Nicky among those flowers so he bought the place when the Op was done. They had only ever used it as a safe house once since then, but Joe and Nicky made sure to spend time there every Spring. 

It took Joe a few seconds to register where they were, and then all his anger was back in full force. “No way Andy, I don’t want him here,” he said pointing at Booker. “This place is more than a safe house. It’s our sanctuary.”

“I get that Joe, but it’s our best option. The next closest safe house is 3 hours away and I can’t make it that far.”

Joe took in the unfamiliar pain lines crossing Andy’s face. “You’re welcome to stay Andy, always.” Joe looked to Nile. “You too, Nile. It’s just this _kalb_ that I don’t want sleeping in my house.” 

“I can stay at a hotel,” Booker offered. 

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Nicky said. He’d been quiet since they left Merrick’s lab. He reached out and rested his hand on Joe’s shoulder. “I understand Joe’s concern. This is our home. You fucked up, Booker. But you fought with us as always and helped to protect Andy, so you are welcome to stay. However, I cannot promise that you won’t be turned to stone by Joe’s glare. Let’s get inside.”

They all moved toward the house. 

“Nicky,” Joe said with a slight whine.

Nicky cupped Joe’s face with his palm. “ _Lascialo stare qui stanotte,_ Yusef. For Andy. For me. We’ll sort it out tomorrow.” 

Joe nodded. He’d swallow his anger for the time being. For Andy and for his love, just like Nicky asked. He turned his glare to Booker. “You can stay tonight.” 

“Thank you Joe,” Andy said as they walked into the house. “Tonight, we have family dinner just like we would after any other mission. And tomorrow, we’ll debrief.”

“Family dinner?” Nile asked. 

“It’s tradition for us to all have a meal together after a mission. Andy started it during World War I,” Nicky said. “It was a way for us to check in and recharge.” Nicky turned to Andy. “What do you think Boss, curry?” 

Andy nodded. “That place that does the shatkora chicken?”

“That works. I’ll place the order while Joe takes a quick shower. He can then go pick it up. But first, Nile let me show you to your room. There’s a closet full of clothes in there to choose items from. Then maybe after we’ve eaten, you and I can go to town for supplies including some clothes you actually pick out.”

*~*~*~*~*

Nicky was sitting on their bed when Joe walked out of the bathroom wearing just a towel wrapped around his waist. He stood up and walked over to Joe, his hands ghosting across Joe’s neck and back where Merrick had stabbed him. Nicky nuzzled his way along Joe’s neck before tilting his head up for a proper kiss. He pulled away much too quickly for Joe’s liking. Letting his hands rest just above the towel on Joe’s waist, Nicky dipped his thumbs below the towel’s edge. Joe reached out and cupped his hands on Nicky’s shoulders, massaging gently. They let their foreheads touch and just breathed each other's air.

Nicky drew Joe in for another kiss before pulling away to start stripping out of his bloody clothes. “The order’s been placed. I wiped down the car. You should abandon it at the north end of the train station as the camera is still out there. Head into the station and out the east entrance to pick up our food.” 

“Why am I on food retrieval duty?” Joe said, pulling on his boxers and jeans.

Nicky walked back over to Joe, kissing the scowl off Joe’s face. He pulled his head back to meet Joe’s eyes. “Because I’m still covered in brain matter. Because Andy’s injuries need to be treated, and Nile doesn’t know the area.” Nicky kissed Joe’s temple. “Or are you ready to trust Booker to pick up our meal?”

Joe placed his hand over Nicky’s heart. “I hate it when you’re right.” 

Nicky put his hand over Joe’s. “No you don’t.” 

“No, I don’t. But I want to shower with you. Wash your hair.” Joe pouted.

Nicky smiled. “We’ll take a bath together later. Soak in that big tub with the Mahyouba oil you love. Forget about everything but each other for a little while.”

“That sounds like heaven, _ya amar.”_

“But first you need to get our food and I am in desperate need of a shower.” 

Joe nodded and picked his shirt up off the dresser and put it over his head. “I’m on it.” He leaned in for a kiss. “I’ll be back soon.” 

Nicky smiled against Joe’s lips. _“Stai attento amore mio.”_

“Always.”

*~*~*~*~*

Joe returned with enough food to feed an army. Nicky had ordered pretty much everything on the menu including peshwari naan for Andy. If the extra masala sauce that he got specifically for Booker accidentally fell out of the bag onto the sidewalk, that really wasn’t Joe’s fault. He was just ladened down with too many bags to notice.

They sat around the dining table and Nicky had opened several bottles of wine. They ate in companionable silence. Joe shared a look with Nicky when Andy ripped a large piece of the peshwari naan and took a deep breath, taking in the sweet smell of coconut, fruit and nuts. ”Mmm,” Andy said after her first bite. “The pistachios and coconut are perfect. I’m getting mango as well.” 

Nicky smiled. ‘Nazifa said on the phone they had updated their recipe after their last trip to Pakistan. They started using mango pulp and it’s gotten rave reviews. I’ll let her know you approve.”

“Please do.”

Nile was also enjoying her food. “Oh my God, this is so good. What do you say it was again?”

“Chicken tikka jalfrezi. Most people know tikka masala, but the green chilies and spice of jaifrezi can’t be beat,” Joe said. “It can be a little spicy for some people but it’s Nicky’s favorite.”

“You are a fan of spicy food, Nile?” Nicky asked, passing her the last of the jaifrezi.

Nile nodded. “I am. My dad used to say he’d have to put hot sauce on my baby food before I would eat it. I got that from him. My mom can’t stand spicy food. Damn, why am I so hungry?”  


“Side effect of having to heal so many times in a short amount of time,” Nicky said. He filled everyone’s wine glasses. “I think the energy we expend to regenerate leaves us ravenous. It’s why Andy always insists on family dinner after a mission.”

Andy nodded. Her appetite was not as big as it normally was, but she still managed to put away a hearty amount. “One of the advantages of this century is take away. Back in the day, we’d be so hungry and then it would take forever to gather and cook enough food.”

“Take away and oversized hot water heaters get top points from me,” Joe said. 

Booker remained quiet throughout dinner. He ate his food without the extra sauce he’d normally get. He heard Nicky ask for it when he placed the order, but it hadn’t been there when the food was unpacked. He admired Joe’s level of petty. And he could admit he deserved it.

Pushing her plate away, Andy looked to Joe and Nicky. “Did you go with poetic or profane in the van?” Andy asked what would normally be Booker’s question.

“Moonlight when I’m lost in darkness,” Nicky said with a sigh.

“Poetry, then,” Booker said. He didn’t want to piss Joe off but Andy wanted normal, so he’d do his best.

“I don’t understand,” Nile said.

Booker looked to Joe before continuing. With Joe’s subtle head nod, Booker explained. “When Nicky and Joe get captured together most times there will be some homophobic asshole watching over them. So Joe will edify them about his love for Nicky with either a heartfelt soliloquy or the filthiest description of his worship of Nicky’s body you could imagine.”

“How filthy?” Nile asked.

“I’m thousands of years old, and he made me blush the first time,” Andy said with a chuckle. “Joe knows how to paint a picture.” 

“And you’re okay with this?” Nile turned and asked Nicky. 

Nicky shrugged. “I’ve had centuries to resign myself to the fact that my Joe sometimes has to announce his love for me in very public ways. Plus, it is an excellent diversionary tactic.” 

“So, it’s just a game?” Nile asked, still unsure. 

Everyone at the table shook their heads but it was Booker who answered. “Oh no, he means every word, every time. It just also serves as the perfect distraction to get the upper hand.” 

“Uncomfortable homophobic assholes tend to get so distracted by Joe’s tongue in my mouth, they rarely see my hands coming up to snap their neck.” Nicky said, matter of fact. 

“Damn,” Nile said “ You guys don’t play.” 

Nicky winked at Joe. “Oh we do, just not when others are around.” 

Joe smiled like the cat who ate the canary. 

“Why poetic this time?” Nile asked. “Merrick’s thugs were assholes for sure.”

“Oh they deserved the profane, but we didn’t know how long we’d been out or where they were taking us.” Joe glared at Booker. “Plus Nicky had been unconscious for too long for my comfort so I really just needed to kiss him.”

“The filthy one usually ends up with a busted lip or broken nose in the very least,” Andy said. “Then the kissing has to wait until after.” 

“After they're all dead?” Nile asked.

Everyone nodded the affirmative.

*~*~*~*~*

A couple hours later, Andy was napping and Nicky and Nile went on a supply run. Joe and Booker did their best to avoid each other. Booker headed out to the balcony off the living room. He settled on the ground with his back up against the parapet. He’d gotten drunk a few times in this very spot with Joe and Nicky. Booker figured he’d have to drink alone this time, so he took a long drag from his flask and closed his eyes.

“Here to kill me Joe?” Booker asked, without even opening his eyes.

Joe walked the few steps onto the balcony and dropped to the ground next to him. “House is quiet, it would be the time to do it. But it would be too easy. It might make me feel better. Hell, it might make you feel better, but it wouldn’t change anything” 

Joe turned and waited until Booker opened his eyes. “You don’t deserve an out.”

Booker nodded. “I don’t.” He passed his flask to Joe. 

Joe took a swig and passed it back. “Plus Nicky would know and he’d give me that look of his and I’m not really at a point emotionally where I could bear that.” 

Booker nodded again. “He came to see me when you were getting the food. Gave me the friend version of that look. Said he forgave me but he was disappointed in me. Called me Sebastian.” 

Joe let out a low whistle. “Damn. That’s harsh. I’m not sure any verdict we render tomorrow will top that.” Joe gave a wry smile. “That man. He may no longer be a priest, but he can still wield that Catholic guilt as lethally as his broadsword.” 

“That he can,” Booker exhaled a long breath. “I’m sorry, Joe. I really am.”

Joe nodded. “I know that. I get it. In my head, I get it. But my heart, man. It’s not ready.” 

Booker met Joe’s eyes. “Lay it on me.” Booker owed Joe, owed his team that much. 

“You sure?”

Booker nodded, taking another swig for courage. 

“Andy and me aside, you sold out Nicky. You sold out the man who sat cradling your son as he lay dying, who made sure he wasn’t alone when he took his last breath. You let thugs kidnap and torture the man who set up a cancer research scholarship to honor Jean Pierre and libraries to honor your other two children. Your actions led to Merrick’s head monkey putting a gun in Nicky’s mouth and pulling the trigger. Those extra few seconds it took him to come back to me,” Joe paused and took a shuddering breath. “That was more tortuous than anything Merrick’s doctors could ever do.”

That hurt. Hearing what his actions had wrought was worse than a physical blow. “Fuck. I’m sorry man. I am truly sorry.” 

Joe didn’t acknowledge his apology this time. “Why Booker? Walk me through it.”

“I was selfish. Pure and simple and I couldn’t see past my own grief. I’m tired. Tired of being alone.” 

The look on Joe’s face hardened, not unlike when he was ready for battle. “Yeah, you mentioned that in the lab -- how Nicky and I had each other and all you had was your grief. That’s bullshit.” 

Booker opened his mouth to talk and then shut it again, nodding his head to urge Joe to continue.

“You weren’t alone Booker. You haven’t been alone since we found you. Nicky calls it destiny, you call it misery loves company, but either way we are all tied together. We’re family, man. Not like the one you outlived, but family nevertheless. And you shit all over that.” 

Booker nodded and took another swig from his flask. “This last year was hard, not being together. Not working any jobs.”

Joe cut him off. “Not having Nicky’s relentless optimism front and center to counteract all the angst running through your head?”

Booker snorted. “That too.” 

“Then why didn’t you take us up on any of the offers we made for you to come spend time with us?” 

“Third wheel.” Booker knew it was a cop-out as soon as it left his lips. 

“Again, bullshit. Nicky and I aren’t joined at the hip. Having you visit would have meant I could have watched or attended a football game with someone who actually likes the sport. Or Nicky could have had someone to debate the merits of coarser or finer Mil-dot reticle adjustment increments in rifle scopes.”

Booker had read the research. “Which did he go with?”

Joe threw up his hands, “I don’t know because I don’t have the patience to shoot things from far away. Give me a shotgun every time.” Joe looked at Booker. “The point is you weren’t alone. You filled up places in our lives that are uniquely Booker-shaped and I would have thought we had done the same for you. But you were okay with us being lab rats for eternity, so I guess not.”

Booker took another deep breath. “I wasn’t okay with it. I offered up only myself at first.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” Joe asked, narrowing his eyes. 

“No, I just wanted you to know that I didn’t just one day decide, _hey I guess I’ll betray my team_.” 

Joe nodded. “What did Copley say that made you even consider it?”

“He brought up Jean Pierre’s cancer.”

“And linked it to his wife’s illness?”

Booker nodded. 

“Dammit man, you let yourself get played.”

“I see that now. I think Copley sees it too, from what Nile said.” 

“Good, because we will be having words with Mr. Copley.”

“What are we gonna do about Andy?” The ‘she’s going to die’ left unsaid. 

Joe shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s still the boss, immortality or not, so we’ll follow her lead.” 

“Why now?”

“I don’t know. She’s been alive for so long, and as Nicky would say, her time has come.”

All the alcohol in Booker’s system made him brave. “What will you do if Nicky goes first?”

“What the fuck, Booker. Why would you ask me that?”

“Andy’s situation’s got me thinking. About how and when it will end for the rest of us.” 

“Sorry, but you’ve got at least several more centuries ahead of you. Lykon lived for over 1500 years. Andy’s sitting at triple that. Nicky and I are coming up on a thousand.” 

“What would you do?” Booker asked again. 

“I’d love to say I’dl kill myself over and over again until it takes. I want to refuse to live in a world without my Nicolo in it. But I couldn't do that. Nicky would be disappointed in me. He’d be upset that I didn’t use my time to do more good. But it's a moot point because I believe --whether it’s naive or not-- I believe we came into this life together and we will go out the same way.”

Booker took the last swig from his flask. “For your sake, I hope that you do.” Booker shifted his body to face Joe. “I need a favor.” 

Joe snorted. “You’re not in the best bargaining position right now, pal.” 

Booker shrugged. “I know, but what have I got to lose?” He met Joe’s eyes. “Look after Andy. Don’t let her take unnecessary risks and don’t let her blame herself about me. I fucked up. It’s all on me, not her.”

Joe nodded. 

“And help Nile adjust to this life. She’s a good kid and she’s got some amazing tactical instincts. She came back to help and went in alone to come rescue us. I certainly didn’t do that on day three of finding out I’m immortal.”

“No, on day three, I’m pretty sure you stabbed me with a dagger.”

Booker laughed. “Proof I have always been an asshole. Nile’s gonna be great for the team.” 

“I agree. What, no instructions for me and Nicky?”

Booker shook his head. “No, I know you both have that covered. And I’m glad for that.” 

Joe met Booker’s eyes again. “For what it’s worth, I’m going to miss you Booker.”

“But you’re going to push for several centuries?” 

“At least. You broke my heart.”

Booker took a jagged breath. “And you say Nicky knows how to work the guilt.”

Joe stood up. “I’ve learned a few things from him over the centuries. But I’ll honor your request. Nicky and I will look after Andy and Nile. Try not to drown in your own misery,”

“I’ll do my best. And you were right, Joe. I wasn’t alone.”

Joe nodded and walked back inside. No, Booker hadn’t been alone but he had a feeling that after tomorrow, he would know what it was like to be truly alone for a long time to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
>  _kalb_ taken from [ 10 Most Common Swear Words in Arabic](https://blogs.transparent.com/arabic/10-most-common-swear-words-and-expressions-in-arabic/) (Ya Kalb Pronounced as: YA KA-LIB This literally means “you dog,” and is uttered to degrade someone as being filthy, dishonest, or immoral.)
> 
>  _Lascialo stare qui stanotte_ \- Let him stay here tonight. 
> 
> _ya amar_ \- My moon in Arabic
> 
>  _stai attento amore mio_ \- Be careful, my love
> 
> Curry menu items borrowed from https://www.bayleaf.co.uk/restaurant/
> 
> FYI, the Copley tying Booker's son's suffering with his own wife's is the only plausible reason I could come up with that would have Booker betraying his team.


End file.
